Dear GQ

Congrats, men: 2013 is the year bras went out of style.

 

Dear GQ,

Um…Lol?

” Invasion of the Street Nipples.” Yes, that is in fact the title—or should I say tit-le—of an article in this month’s issue of GQ.

This article, part of the Manual for men, informs men that the new “it” trend among women is going braless—and not just going Commando up top, but letting the ladies do a little point and dance under our shirts. In fact, the author, who isn’t listed, prides women for making the sophisticated choice not to wear a bra. “If those bouncing breasts are saying anything, they’re saying that they’re more enlightened, more artsy, and perhaps a click more sophisticated than the breasts on the woman next to them that are neatly, practically, possibly even repressedly […] tucked into a padded B cup.”

GQ, I’m not so sure about these assertions. One, I haven’t seen any woman making the conscious decision not to wear a bra. Two, especially none encouraging their nips to poke through their shirt (which is, by the way, one of THE most embarrassing things a woman can have happen to her). And three, that a woman is suddenly labeled a prude, oppressive of her breasts, non-artsy, and a less sophisticated woman for not putting it all on display bounce-house style. Who the hell are you to tell us who we are for what we do or don’t wear? Hello, your magazine touts the bungee belt and zipper wallets as key fashion pieces for men this summer…need I say more?

I’m sorry, GQ, but as a long-time subscriber to Vogue, InStyle, Women’s Health, and Cosmopolitan, as well as an avid follower of countless fashion blogs, how is it that a woman such as myself has been able to avoid all awareness of this new hip fashion movement? Could it be in fact that you, GQ, are simply writing this article in the hopes of wish fulfillment? My guess is yes. Nipping is ALWAYS a faux-pas, and women are never going to follow a fashion trend that will have men staring even harder and droolier at their chests than they already do.

Here’s the thing. Women just don’t run around town totally braless. Ever. Here’s a secret, GQ. Any time you think a woman might be braless, and consider the fact that to determine this means that you men must be staring so hard and long enough for your thoughts to progress past “ooh boobies” to “hey is she not wearing a bra?,” those things aren’t just floating around freely under there. We have tape, pasties, strapless bras, racer-back bras, built-in bras, shirt-bras, and a thousand other tricks to fool you. Sure we let the girls out to play every now and again, but we’re never going to do it unsupported and we’re never going to do it in daylight—those women are called hookers.

Look, I love you GQ, and you’re usually a pretty good time, but in this instance your adolescent minded writers got a little carried away from reality. So just to be clear, we ladies won’t be letting our ladies poke through our shirts this summer. Throw the dream away, wish it goodbye, and put away that thing that’s poking through your clothes.

 

 

 

The Math of Dressing Well

You want to dress better, but now you’re wondering how that’s possible? Because it’s a hundred degrees outside, you want to wear something that you can breathe in that won’t make your feet hurt, and you’re really busy. But there are solutions. The key to dressing casually, comfortable, and still cute is creativity. The little things are what make a boring, bummy outfit into a cute one. You think of a casual outfit as “Jeans and a T-shirt” or “Running shorts and tennis shoes” but with very small modifications, you can have a stylish outfit in no time.

It all boils down to SUBSTITUTION:  (What can I wear today instead of this boring Unisex tee or gym shorts?) MODIFICATION(What can I do to make a standard T-shirt look more interesting? Consult Pintrest/Tumblr for Do-It-Yourself projects. Modification does not mean only DIY though. It could be modifying conventional colors or other traits, such as wearing colored jeans with a T-shirt instead of regular jeans suddenly makes you look stylish. Or, instead of wearing a T-shirt that says “UT Party on the Plaza” on it, wear a T-shirt that has a graphic or a brand you care about on it. Remember you are a walking billboard for everything you wear. Make sure it’s something you like. ) and ADDITION(What can I add to this overall outfit to make it more interesting? What can I put on my head/legs/arms/other unoccupied areas of my body?)

To help put this in perspective, here are some examples of stuff I do to ensure I look relatively okay every day, modeled by my roommate. NOTE: This may not be your personal style. You might think I’m too hipster or too skater or too punk or too whatever, and that’s cool. These are just for inspiration and to give you ideas. Your personal style is always best for you and you should show it off!

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The main idea of this outfit is to replace the shorts with a skirt. They’re even more comfortable than shorts and keep you cooler. They’re better to look at and you can get more creative with them. Sweaters & skirts work for the “oversized” inspired look except without actually being oversized. If it’s too hot for the sweater, try rocking a slouchy tee. These work much better than oversized tees because they’re cut to compliment your body and your outfit, unlike oversized Unisex tees. The best part about this is that all you’re doing is substituting one thing for the other– slouchy tee/sweater for an average T-shirt, a skirt for the shorts, and Converse for running shoes. Personally I don’t like running shoes. If it’s your personal style and they match with the outfit, I say go for it. But make sure they have purpose. Shoes make the outfit. True story. Adding a hat or a bow or something on your head turns this simple outfit into something that looks like a statement. Really, it’s that simple. Personally I’m a huge fan of snapbacks and beanies. They’re boyish and really functional but still stylish.

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Dresses/rompers are a great thing, really. They’re one piece you throw on, and have to put little thought into and you automatically look like you care about what you wear to class. They give the illusion of effort. Perfect for the busy person! You can also do a few extra things to make your dress a little more exciting. Cute socks are always fun– I personally love them but they’re not for everyone. Leggings can take the place of these also. Solid black always works with everything. Something simple over the dress like a cardigan or denim jacket makes it look a little less dressy. Necklaces/accessories are an essential for dresses. It is also really simple to match jewelry. Actually most of the time there is no matching involved. You just put something on and it will probably kinda work. In the case of the orange one, I used the orange skullcandy necklace because it matches both the dress and the socks, but really that much thought is not necessary. At all. For shoes Mary Janes and boots are cute to wear with dresses, but you can really rock some Vans, Converse, or even flip flops if they match. Heels/dressy shoes are NOT a must.

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In this outfit, a T-shirt is substituted for a slouchy tee that has a galaxy print. I found the shirt at Wal-Mart and made it with bleach and paint. This is actually a very easy DIY project and looks store-bought if you do it correctly! To go with the galaxy shirt are constellation socks. Although they don’t really “match”, they’re star themed which is enough of a stretch for me. Also the blue socks match the denim shorts and hair bow. The white lace on the shorts adds a nice accent, and if you can’t find anything like that in a store it is also a simple DIY project. The necklace was also hand made out of clay and paint (not by me though, I take no credit). This outfit is fun for any casual event or even just going to class. It’s essentially “shorts and a T-shirt” but through slight modifications and additions, becomes a stylish outfit.

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Unfortunately my face had to appear in this blog. This last outfit is filled with modifications and substitutions. It is a little bolder than the last few outfits, but definitely just as comfortable. The bralette and jacket take the place of a tank top or shirt. It works great for a summer outfit or a swimsuit cover up in that it still covers you from the sun, but also keeps you cool. The jeans match the vertical lines in the American flag jacket and the black & white matches. Because of this, the parts of the outfit that don’t totally match (aka the pattern on the bralet and the red on the shoes) matter less. If it were a blue denim pair of jeans, the outfit wouldn’t be as exciting. It’s all about finding creative, different ways to modify! The bandana is simply a stylish addition but also works for the hot summer months to keep you cool and can be put on your head also. The jacket was a DIY project.

There you have it, the math of dressing casually and well. If you are very busy, or you’re in a sorority/organization that requires you to own a lot of logo-ed clothing, try organizing your closet into different sections, so you can just wake up in the morning and grab three articles of clothing from respective sections and throw them on, the same way you may just grab a pair of shorts and a T-shirt.