Dear Austin,
I hate your allergens this year.
Am I crazy or are everyone’s allergies like a million times worse than usual this spring?
I rarely get allergies outside of about a one-week period in early fall when all of the mountain cedar blows down with the cold temperatures, but this spring I am dying. Literally, I feel like I’m not going to live to see the end of this semester, and this year it’s not because of final exams or the wrap-ups of semester-long projects. So, what is this devil magic that is keeping us all sneezing, coughing, and exuding disgusting radiance all over the place?
Like this:
Hawt.
According to AccuWeather.com, we’re experiencing EXTREME! levels of indoor dust and dander…
Surely this can’t really be what’s causing all of our turmoil… can it? What, are Austinites overdoing it on the Spring Cleaning front and stirring up dust and dander and throwing it into the air, or are we just way dirtier at home than most people and we carry it out into public? Or could it be that we as a city collectively spend a proportionately larger amount of time outdoors running, hiking, biking, climbing, and playing on the lake than the lazier cities of the US where people only venture from within the confines of their air-conditioned chambers in order to reach their cars? I’m sorry, I for one just don’t believe that the root of all of our suffering is coming from inside the house. I call bull shit, AccuWeather.
Conspiracy? Possibly. Is this perhaps Kim Jong Un’s true force of terror? Hah, no. Well, probably not. It would be pretty ingenious, wouldn’t it? Allergen Warfare. Gives flower power a whole new meaning, eh?
What I keep overhearing, and have experienced first-hand, is that doctors are saying allergies this year are worse than ever before. While at Starbucks this afternoon for my second dose of caffeine to take the edge off my pounding sinus headache, I overheard an older gentleman chatting about his allergies with the barista. This guy had to be in his 70s and he said exactly what everyone else is saying: in all his life, he’s never had allergies this bad. This spring his doctor had to go so far as to prescribe him an inhaler because his allergies are developing into asthma-like symptoms. So what this means is allergen levels are higher and are causing more extreme symptoms than they have in at least seventy years! That’s insane. Ugh, what a great time to be in Aus-auss-schooo. ‘Scuze me. Austin.
So, here I sit, indoors, suffering with a stopped-up head, feeling like my brain is trying to expand like a sponge in a jar full of water, unable to enjoy the best part of Austin—the outdoors—while receiving mixed messages . If AccuWeather is correct, I should be out there instead of in here… If my doctor is correct, I should stay in here and not out there… Ugh. Good luck with your allergies, Austinites. Here, I’ll save you a trip to the doctor and prescribe you what mine did me: drink lots of fluids, take an anti-inflammatory, and stay inside. I’m going to think more on that conspiracy theory now…
PS: carry tissues and cover your face when you sneeze. Unless you want to look like this:
Double hawt.
TX Creative P1 